Elaine's Life Stoy
by SCrandoms
Summary: READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. Note: The authors/authoresses of this story is not responsible for any mental or physical trauma caused by this story. You have been warned beforehand, so you do not have the rights to sue us.


_Enjoy! R&R If you really want to, this is purely for entertainment purposes. There are some wrong themes in here, enters by the boys, but apart from that, harmles fun._

Once upon a time, in a high school classroom, at lunchtime, one random teenage girl named Elf was going on a high over a phone call to James Ruse, once again.  
On the other hand of the conversation however, the guys were going... "You called the wrong number".

Elf, incensed at the response, started screaming blatantly on the phone...  
'YOU BASTARDS! OF COURSE IT'S NOT THE WRONG NUMBER! WHEN I SEE YOU I'LL...I'LL...'  
and breaks down... unfortunately for Elaine...she was a little bit too loud which caused a Maths teacher, who was unfortunately on lunch duty, to jump around, startled, by the stream of swear words flowing fluently out of Elaine's mouth.  
The Maths teacher pulled out a cane. Elf however, was oblivious to this... and continued to swear at the top of her lungs... Meanwhile, the Maths teacher also known as Ms Vanderhout creeps closer and she snatches the mobile phone from Elaine's hands and also decides to hijack the call...

Amazingly the guys on the other end did not notice the change in tone and proceeded to engage in a conversation with the teacher... with coarse language... Putting Elf in a very awkward position... The teacher shakes her head and proceeds to ask the people on the phone some questions, such as stalker questions, like "Where do you live", stringed by comments such as "I'll bash you". Amazingly the ppl on the phone were baffled but continued to think it was simply Elf being insane and agro... So they started screaming into the phone in attempt to drown out Elaine's voice... The teacher, more and more annoyed, started doing the same. However, in both schools, their rooms were bugged...

so they were overheard and Elaine, being desperate, snatches the phone out of the teachers hand on impulse...Just at that suspenseful moment...her phone dies of low batteries...  
And that leaves the teacher standing there with her jaw hanging open at Elaine's rudeness...  
Elaine however, pays more attention to her phone than the teacher... But the teacher recovered from her shock and dragged Elf to the staffroom to give her a lecture...  
But on the way, as they go through the office, they fell into a stack of encyclopedias which were clumsily stacked at the staffroom door by Alice…

After clearing the encyclopedias, Elf falls asleep standing up, Dennis farts and kills her. Amazingly, Elf comes back from the dead after Andrew's whining, and wants to eat but bugs people about her eating spree. The eating spree suddenly subsides, and the DISEASE gives her a thirst for raw chicken blood!  
She starts to turn into a cannabalish chicken.  
After seeing Dennis, she could not believe her eyes and fainted.  
However, the Maths teacher rose from the pile of books and started screaming at the unconscious Elaine.

It's just then Elf wakes up, with a greenish tinge to her face and whimpers out "LOOK INTO MY EYES!!". Then Evan pops up and says "Gladly". The two make manga eyes at each other until the teacher couldn't stand it anymore but realizes something is wrong: "What is a guy doing at a girl's school?"  
The teacher gently picks up Elaine, who has fainted from too much glistening-eye and takes her to the office.

The office lady gasps, and quickly starts to get out the chocolate bars reserved for duty girls...  
And then suddenly gives it to Elf and Evan to eat. But little did they know Mark poisoned the chocolates. Elf went spastic.  
And then Mark walks in and sees the couple holding hands and slowly backs away, horrified and decides to puke on Elf and Evan who are engrossed. in a conversation about the best way to Kiss They decided to bump into Hybrid, who was with Alice at the time, making a plan in which to kill Julia and Tracey, who happened to be subtly trying to filmElf and Evan's "private" moments with Alice's camera, but they all puked cause it was too INTIMATE which caused the film inside to react with the chemicals inside the vomit and it caused the camera to explode.

Unfortunately, Evan came along as he was interrupted from his conversation with Elf about whether llamas or dog were better when suddenly he realised that Elf had turned into a dog!! He was horrified and quickly went to the local hospital to get a tranquilizer dart when Elf turned back into a girl and said once again..."LOOK INTO MY EYES". Evan, surprised stuck the dart into Elf and was horrified when Elf decided to go for Hybrid instead of him But Hybrid ran away Elf was heartbroken So Evan ran to comfort her by putting his arm right around Elf and asking her sweetly to... "LOOK INTO MY EYES". Elf felt better at once and once again made manga eyes...

Mark, jealous, decided to murder Evan to gain Elaine's love. He However he failed and He made Hybrid rape Elaine...but Hybrid resisted... unlike Mark's desires... and summoned Dorothy, his slave, to his side to kill Mark.

But Dorothy gets sack whacked so badly he dies on the spot However, I resurrected him and told him to rape Mark... but Evan Took off his hat, and Jason died and never will live even as a zombie ever again. Hybrid goes AWW however, Mark decides to mug Dorothy and does his nerd act, but Elf takes this the wrong way and Dies.

Everyone laughs so hard their heads fall off and everyone is meanwhile unaware of what Evan and Elf were getting up to, which was concocting a love potion To make Alice and Hybriddy fall for each other. Suddenly Evan drinks it instead, and Elf wanted some too But Evan was so greedy he drank both, and became a narcissist...and Elf concocted another and also drank it.  
Then Richard was like "what's this?" and Mark shoved it, glass and potion, into his mouth and suddenly he turned into an Elf lover...and Evan got pissed and killed Richard. And Hybrid said FMD to Mark who said, "Gladly. Let's go." And Mark said "F ME!!" to Connors who suddenly transforms into Julia. Then they proceed to have coffee. And Leow and Jko come and watch them and get jealous However, everyone teleported to another place... to... the Opera House Hybrid went to comfort Leow and Jko and decided to be gay with them, However, the concert was on during that time, and Elf was the star... with her husband, Evan.

Evan and Richard's corpse had coffee on the Opera House stage, and Evan became a necrophiliac...so Elf got furious at the interruption of her show and kissed Evan, not caring that both of their friends from both NSG and James Ruse were watching their public affection, sort of awkwardly. Then, they were interrupted by the Secret Agents service, wanting to kill them. But then, out of thin air came...the GHOST BUSTERS!!  
Unfortunately, no one was a ghost and they died because Dennis released flatulence but wait! Everyone else was wearing gas masks but unfortunately, the gas masks broke down.  
So they pinched their noses to their deaths.

Everyone woke up in a land named Heaven except for Mark, who somehow survived and Elaine; and both were somehow positioned close to each other engaged in a conversation and decided to murder god However, they were brought back to life from Heaven, by Mark, who murdered god with his own god, RIPPO However, God was immortal and was resurrected for REVENGE RIPPO was too strong though, as he was GOD as well...And thus God and RIPPO arranged a truce where Rippo gave a;slkhd;alskhdga;sldkgh;asldkgha;sldkgh  
. Yeah. And thus everyone was brought back to life...confused...  
The people found themselves in their respective schools, and had a strange feeling of de ja vu But Evan got mixed up and went to NSG Elf fell into his open arms and They kissed passionately which caused all of their friends to clap excitedly and cheer, before Elf mysteriously pulled out and then, suddenly, for no apparent reason, both Evan and Elf turned into squirrels with wings Then they turned back into humans and Elf died Then Evan decided to suicide too, and they both turn into butterflies.  
then along comes the insect repellent... in the form of Dorothy's teeth...

And Evan and Elf both bleached with fear and transformed back into humans to run away The heaven's above lay Dorothy, who meanwhile, was missing his teeth Because Evan ate them...he got diarrhoea Angered, Dorothy used his godly powers to release mass light laser beams to annihilate the world and strip every living thing off it.  
However, it failed to do so and instead He turned Evan's eyes yellow. Wait, it already happened (Evan ate Dorothy's teeth). Ok, it turned Elaine's eyes yellow  
Uncannily enough, Jason did not notice and So he kept on shooting out laser beams from his arse and Everyone held up mirrors, which caused the beams to reflect and Give Dorothy 10 billion anuses (or ani)...

With his lasers backfiring, Dorothy died of his own radiation and then Hybrid Decided to use Holy Light, which calls down holy energy from above in the heavens but then again, Jason was already in heaven so he cast Death By A Thousand Years of pain, making everyone feel an uncanny feeling in their bottoms But EVAN had none, and so Dorothy died of boredom. He found a new target, however, named Bryan Zhu, the Flab King The Flab King sent for Dennis, who came, saw, and thrusted at all opponents. However Jason, who was completely unaffected by this, sent his greatest minion, DEMOS, down to deal with the new threat However Demos was too fat and poorly equipped to survive the fall from Heaven to Earth, so he hits the ground with a massive SPLAT!, causing God to condemn Dorothy's selfish actions and send him to hell.

And Dorothy is in hell, and because he isn't Christian, he can't go back to heaven  
There Dorothy makes friends with Satan but Satan cruelly rejected him into an empty space between Heaven and Hell (not earth)  
that's limbo.  
Dorothy got SO BORED HE SUICIDED and no more Jason existed to interrupt Evan and Elf in their holy wedlock then everyone burst into flames and died. That isn't the end.  
However, the Fire demon…err...who likes fire? I'll make it Richard, because his fav colour is red. Richard resurrected everyone and restored them to their positions before the fire and once again, Elf casually picks up her phone and begins swearing fluently again like nothing in the past 180 posts happened.

The end?

Wrong. This time she's in CLASSIFIED, stuck in all of Evan's classes And Mrs. Chan listens intently while pretending to teach by unwittingly covering the board with "2+25". Then Elf finds out she's stuck in CLASSIFIED and has to deal with Jason patting her on the head.  
Elf gets pissed and then decides to murder the James Ruse resident chicken. Unfortunately, the principal of CLASSIFIED caught her in the act, and sent her to prison.

Now, it's really the end.

_If you managed to read all of that without suffering from internal brain damage...WOW. I applaud thee for thy efforts._


End file.
